Healing Trust
by dove1593
Summary: It's a new year, a new day, and finally a second chance for Azula. No one said it wouldn't be rough, though. One year after Sozin's Comet.
1. Prologue

**_Prologue_**

**Author's Note: Do not expect me to update immediatly. Or even maybe two or three weeks after I post a chapter. Lucky you, I'm almost finished with Chapter One as we speak. Abiding any unforseen disasters, it should be a week.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Avatar_, or these characters.**

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I know Zuko told me he wasn't banishing me. He was merely giving me a fresh start somewhere new; a second chance. Of course, I had to promise him I would stay stable. And I did promise. Like my hallucination told me, I was just confused. It took a year, but we got it sorted it out to a sane state. Still, leaving the only place I know, and the only people I know that care, is banishment to me.

Zuko hugged me today before my ship left. He wouldn't let go, either. "You've come a long way," he whispered, "but you've still got a long way to go." Then he said he loved me and kissed my forehead. "Find the right path," was the last thing he told me.

I have not a clue as to what he ment by that; I thought I'd already found the right path. Maybe I'd just found the path to the right path. Or possibly I'd just found sanity. I do know, though, that when Zuko let go and the ship left port, I missed his warm hug.

Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday. For a second today in my solitude, I wondered if Zuko knew that. Then I realized he did, and that he sent me away when he did on purpose. What his purpose was, I have yet to figure out. It seems these days I don't know a lot of things. Rather that's because I don't bother to figure things out, afraid my past may creep up on me in the process.

Zuko didn't tell me where he was sending me; just that it would help me forget. I suppose time and a change of scenery will do wonders compared to my quiet prison cell with nothing to do but think about what's happened. I can't see anything erasing my mind completely, but even now the memories have faded. If I ever had the chance, though, I would have my horrid memories stripped from me. Well, I suppose that doesn't change the fact that those things still happened, and possibly not knowing would be more painful than remembering in perfect detail for life. But Zuko's told me again and again that wanting to forget is regret, and not to wallow in it, but to acknowledge it; it's good.

Wanting to forget might come from the occasional flashbacks I get, too. Nothing could be more dreadful than that. Anything that reminds me of something terrible from the past fifteen years of my life, a person, an event, anything, I get dizzy, nauseous, and if no one acts quick enough, I faint. The memories are amazingly potent when they're set off. Usually whatever triggered a certain memory only starts a flashback once or twice, but I can't be sure. I've never done something that's caused a flashback more than once or twice, for good reason.

Maybe being somewhere where I have no past won't cause many flashbacks, or any at all. Of course, not too much can be said now. All I know for certain is that tomorrow, I start life over again.

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**A/N: Comment, please.**


	2. In Which Azula has a Flashback Episode

_**Chapter One**_

**A/N: That was longer than I expected because I thought I hadn't editted it when I had, and I just went through it, all mad because I totally forgot I finished editting it. Well, anyways, it's here. Sorry I'm so late. I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: _Avatar_ is not mine. Because if it were, it'd just be that much awesomer.**

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Zuko had sent me on a ship with a few veterans from the area he was sending me to. Old Azula would've threatened for answers from the men, but I figured whether or not they would tell me, I'd still end up in the same place. Besides, most of the men were still traumatized from war. If you came up behind one of them and said so much as a hello, they'd jump like you were going to attack them. I find it sad, because they have to fit back into society. Then again, so do I, and I have a tendency to be very nervous around large bodies of water. Or ponds…and fountains (Mai called it hydrophobia: fear of water). Somehow, that seems more sad. Over time, I suppose those soldiers will find their sense of security whereas I probably won't.

Since the lack of people to talk to, and the excessive amount of water, I spent the whole trip in my little room. A nice boy from the kitchen brought me meals, and in the morning wished me a happy birthday with breakfast. He even came back around noon to tell me the ship had docked.

On the deck of the ship, I looked out at where I was. Nowhere familiar, that's for sure. It was just a little village surrounded by forest; a tiny, quaint town cut off from any big city. There was maybe one two-story building in the whole place, and I had my bet it was a government building or a public school. The rest seemed to be little houses with petite gardens, and small businesses, all a shade of white with pink or red roofs. In the town's center, there was a fountain anyone else would've thought cute.

The ship was docked on one of three decks, all wooden and very weathered-looking. At the shore, a crowd that I guessed was the whole village stood. There weren't too many grown men outside of the elderly, but those gaps quickly filled when the veterans got to the ground. After they'd all found their families, the crowd began to thin.

Zuko told me that I would be staying with someone, but he wouldn't hint on who. All he said was that I would know her when I saw her. None of the women left standing seemed to be looking for anyone, but I still got down off the ship. Maybe they'd already seen me, and were just waiting.

I asked around, and each person gave me a look that read, "you're crazy", and said they weren't looking for anyone. One woman was standing with her husband, and he commented that I was banished according to the local paper. Part of me thanked the idiot (probably Zuko) that said that to the public, while the other part of me wanted to kill that idiot.

The couple walked away, leaving me confused in the middle of the dusty street. They were the last people I had to ask. No one had even offered to help me search, or let me stay with them for a night. Upset, I heard someone call my name.

"Azula!" they shouted, all bright and happy, "I'm so sorry I'm late!"

That voice sounded familiar, but I was supposed to be forgetting my past and didn't bother to figure out who it belonged to. Whoever they were, though, they were looking for me, so I looked up. There wasn't two seconds for me to breathe before I was swept up in a tight hug.

"Oh, just look at you," the woman said, letting me go, "I haven't seen you since you were half this size."

This was amazingly awkward. I expected to be staying with an older woman, yes, but the one standing before me looked old enough to be my mother. She knew me, too, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember who she was. Something told me the last time I saw the shiny gold eyes looking down at me, I wasn't very happy, and in fact, angry. Well, the last time she saw me, I was "half this size".

"Mom?" I asked, shocked into a step backward.

She nodded with a smile I recognized as her sympathy smile. The small, little, "let me help" one seemed so natural on her face. If I didn't know better, I would've assumed she was content. I hate the sympathy smile, because I still didn't like to be sympathized with; especially by my mother.

That moment didn't really allow me to complain about the sympathy smile, though. No, I had a flashback as to the last time I saw my mom. I was on the edge of insanity, and completely on my own. Being betrayed by my friends sent me into a spiraling abyss where I no longer trusted anyone that made even the slightest mistake or move that accidentally upset me. No one was left in the palace, for I didn't trust anyone, and my hallucinations began. No matter what the mirror embodiment of Mom told me, I wouldn't listen, and eventually was upset enough to smash the mirror. Mirror Mom put me over the edge, even though she was completely right.

That flashback came so real to me. I shuttered at the sound of my hairbrush colliding with the mirror, shattering it. The world around me seemed to spin and I closed my eyes. I felt sick and light-headed, taking another staggered step back. At least someone was there. Mom instantly saw something terribly wrong and took my shoulders to steady me. Worry filled her tone as she spoke.

"Come sit down; I'll explain."

She led me to the first bench she could find, some twenty feet away. Mom sat me down, then took her place next to me, arm around my shoulders.

"Please don't touch me," I snapped, throwing her hand off my shoulder. She may have helped, but she was the cause of my current condition.

"Can I explain?"

With the world still spinning a bit, I put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. "Say what you want, I'm not promising to listen very well."

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine," I lied.

Silence.

After a minute or two, Mom sighed, beginning, "Zuko told me all he knew. Once he found me, immediately, he started in on your situation. I wouldn't have known he was Fire Lord if I didn't read the newspaper, that's how much I heard about you. At that point in time, you'd calmed down enough to be helped a little each day." She paused, her voice turning sad. "I received weekly updates, because Zuko knew you wouldn't be open to seeing me. As much as I wanted to pick you up and hold you, too, I stayed back. It was what was best.

"When you became stable enough to be around Zuko and Mai without lashing out, the letter I received asked if I would move back to the Fire Nation and watch over you in society. Zuko was planning to let you start over somewhere where the people weren't so exposed to the rest of the world. He promised he wouldn't do it until he was sure you were ready for it.

"We figured you wouldn't be too happy to see me, but he didn't want to put you with a complete stranger and neither did I."

"I wouldn't have minded a complete stranger," I mumbled, dying for a drink of something. My nausea had gotten to me.

"I'm sorry, Azula. Maybe this wasn't a good idea."

"You hated me, you thought I was a monster. Why would you ever think this was a good idea?"

"Azula, I never hated you. You're my daughter; I love you." She placed a hand on my shoulder. "And I regret what I thought. It's not your fault. It's your father's and mine. We weren't right to play favorites, and I'm sorry. I read every week exactly how much that mistake destroyed you. I'm not expecting you to forgive me right away, or at all, but I want to apologize and help you back up. You're fall hurt me, too."

So she was apologizing and putting her help out on a table. She still participated in the deranged childhood I had that eventually tore me apart. Why would I forgive her? Well, Zuko didn't help me either, and I forgave him. I was New Azula, and New Azula forgave people and made amends. New Azula has also gone far and refuses to fall back. New Azula doesn't think she can look at her mother without feeling like she has to throw up.

"Fine," I agreed, "I'll let you help me. But Zuko told you about my hallucinations, right?"

Mom's voice was small now, and she took her hand back. "Yes he did, and he told me about your flashbacks. I'm sorry. Let me know if I really start bothering you."

"You're really bothering me."

"Do you need anything?"

"A drink." I took a hard swallow, hoping to not taste breakfast again. "And to lie down."

Mom got me a drink from the fountain, telling about how the water for the city came from this little river that ran down from the mountains. So the water was crystal clear and always cold. I think she was trying to take my mind off my flashback, but she just had to learn to let the feeling pass; I'd be fine after a little while. Once I felt like walking, Mom took me back to her tiny house, showing me my tiny room.

I did feel much better, but I was afraid if I spent more time with my mom when I didn't have to, the flashback might come back. So, Mom let me lie down on my tiny bed in my tiny room in her tiny house, and left to start getting supper ready.

Hopefully sleep would overcome me, and I could nap about the remainder of my episode. After a minute or two, I hadn't closed my eyes. Maybe it was because I surveyed my new tiny room. There wasn't much to it; just white-stone walls, a small wooden dresser, and my tiny bed covered in red silk sheets and blankets. On the back of the wooden door, Mom had hung a tapestry done of dragons. No, maybe I just wasn't tired.

I sighed. Something told me I should get up and write a letter to Zuko, but nothing had happened that wouldn't worry him. Besides, Mom was probably doing that while she boiled water for soup, or something. So, against my will, I closed my eyes.

OoOoO

"_Azula, you disappoint me," my father started, his voice coarse from being used so little, but still full of acid. "You're just like your brother."_

_I took a step back. I was not like Zuko, not at all, but I couldn't bring myself to speak against it._

"_So pathetic," he spat, "so weak."_

_Now my father said true things. I _was _weak and pathetic. But Zuko told me that everyone is, and not to dwell on it. That didn't stop Father's words from stinging like snowflakes on warm skin, tiny needles poking at my newly established self-esteem._

"_You'll do anything for love, won't you, Azula?" he taunted, "Absolutely anything. You always have."_

_Tears brimmed my eyes. They weren't tears of sadness, though; they were tears of anger, an emotion I hadn't felt in so long. Something I certainly hadn't felt toward my father before._

"_Like a little fox-puppy, that's what you are." He scoffed, "Working and striving for someone to love it, be proud of it, have faith in it."_

_One tear slipped. My hands clenched into fists. Anger was bad; Zuko, Mai, everyone, tried to prevent it at all costs. Father wouldn't. As far as I was convinced, anger is what he wanted from me._

"_Only you never succeeded, did you?" A wicked smile crossed his lips. "Not even your brother has as sad a story as you do."_

_My voice found me then, and I burst out, "My mistake was trusting you!" I yelled, that dreaded anger overflowing in my tone. Now tears were pouring rain down my face. "Thinking that _you_ would care, or show compassion to any living thing!"_

_His evil smile widened. He'd won._

_Heat coursed through my body, heat I wouldn't be able to contain very long. "I might as well have been a fox-puppy! You certainly abused me like one!" My rage turned to flames, swirling blue from my hands and my breath._

_My father laughed malevolently, not the slightest bit afraid of the fire in the room. Even without his power, he still wasn't engulfed in the blaze and burned to ashes. And there was nothing I could do to stop the tears or the flames._

OoOoO

"Azula, wake up, supper's ready," my mother's voice spoke now, calm and collected.

There was a nudge against my shoulder, forcing me to consciousness. I blinked my eyes open, allowing them to adjust to the light of the room. Mom was sitting on the edge of the tiny bed in that small room, a smile on her face (not the sympathy one, either). I sighed relief; it was just a nightmare, or rather another horrified memory.

Zuko had taken me down to the prison to use me as an example. He took me to our father's dark cell as an attempt to show him how anyone could turn around. Father was the first one to trigger my anger in several months, nearly setting me back to square one. Zuko had to drag me outside and calm me down, almost getting himself hurt a few times. Turning around ment nothing to him, so Zuko said, and I shouldn't listen to him. Father's words were so harsh and cold, though, I'd left the prison crying. After that, Zuko vowed never to take me back to the place so long as I lived. Father could rot like he so rightly deserved.

"Are you feeling better?" my mom asked as I sat up. The blankets were all tangled around me or thrown off, like usual when I woke up from any other tortured nightmare. Lucky me, though, the room wasn't spinning.

"Not really," I said, my eyes on my lap.

"What's wrong, then? You must've slept for a couple hours."

"Bad dream." The words tasted like salt water, burning my throat. I closed my eyes.

"Oh…do you think you can stomach a bowl of pig-chicken and noodles?"

Anything to get that horrid taste out of my mouth. "Yes."

Her smile widened a bit. "Then come on, or it'll get cold."

Untangling myself, I got out of bed and combed my shortened hair with my fingers. Mom laughed and said I looked like the Avatar's lemur after he fell in the turtleduck pond. I flinched and no more was said on the subject.

Dinner was especially quiet. Mom didn't even seem interested in making conversation, not that I wanted to go along with it anyways. I guess the secret letter exchange between her and Zuko answered everything she would think to ask. That, or she was just as terrified as I was that if she said anything and made me look up, I'd pass out. There could be other reasons still. Like how an amazing meal is best enjoyed silently, or so one might assume. Since when could my mother cook so well? Since when could she ever cook?

Maybe she was hiding something and thought it best not to say anything, afraid her secret might slip out. The thought of another surprise sent a chill down my spine. Surprises and me haven't gotten along since my sixth birthday. Zuko and Mom knew that too, so another surprise wouldn't be expected if they wanted me to keep my sanity. Which would make it perfect to try and surprise me, since nothing could possibly be more surprising than seeing my mother again, so it was completely safe.

Then there was the possibility that Mom just didn't like to talk at meals. I can scarcely remember a meal with her before she disappeared. That didn't seem very likely either. Zuko, Father, and I all seemed to talk at dinner. You know, on the off chance we all ate together.

Maybe she wanted me to say something first. Fat chance.

So two bowls of pig-chicken and noodles were enjoyed separately and silently, the longest awkward stillness surrounding us.

When we were through, Mom took our dishes and disappeared into the kitchen (a tiny one, I assumed) for a few minutes. I wasn't sure if I should leave and go back to my room, or stay at the table, or possibly go help her in the kitchen. Staying seemed to be my choice, because I hadn't decided when she came back.

"Happy birthday," she said, breaking the silence.

I looked up. In her hands, she held a wooden box. Not a large one, just a small, simple box. She held it out to me, a warm smile on her face.

"Um…" I answered, taking it, "Thank you."

"Go ahead, open it."

Considering the day, I was half-expecting something to jump out at me if I opened the box. Still, expecting it would be expected, but not expecting it was just as expected. Not opening the box, for whatever reason, though, would probably upset Mom. That, and I would die of not knowing if I didn't figure it out. So, gently, I lifted the lid off the box, setting it aside. So far so good; nothing had tried to kill me yet. I tipped the box toward me to look inside. A cloth was folded to fit perfectly, and I worked my nails around the edges to get a hold on it.

As I pulled it out, the cloth unfolded, revealing itself to be an apron. This puzzled me greatly. Why an apron?

"Zuko told me you like having something to do," Mom explained, "and that it keeps you focused away from the past."

I nodded; this was true. Being alone did that to me too.

"And since there aren't any places to eat around here, I thought it would be a good idea to start a restaurant." Pause. Was I supposed to come up with an answer here? "So, you know, you had something to do."

"You mean to say you're opening a restaurant for me?" I wondered aloud, "So I stay busy?"

"Well, there are other reasons too, but yes, that's the big one."

No one but Zuko usually does things like that for me. A tiny sliver of hope shown through. Maybe this could work out.

"Thanks, Mom."

**A/N: R&R. I heart you all, and I need to know if I missed any grammar things. I'm the biggest grammar freak...**

**Wow, I never realized how much I mellowed Azula out until someone pointed it out...she's very much like myself in that way.**


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